Flatline

[pacificpikachu]

Well, my birthday's pretty much over, and I have no idea what to think of it. It didn't really feel like a birthday--it was just too...routine, in a sense, and like not much was actually going on. I was happy I got to spend some time with my friends, though, and...I don't know. I feel weird right now.

My emotions flared up yet again, so I've spent a lot of the day feeling like I'm in a suspended reality. I talked to a few of my friends about things, but I can't say I feel like I solved a lot. It might have, but I felt so bad asking them to do what I asked them to do, but...I couldn't bear it any more, holding it in.

I just...I disgust myself at how emotional I've become, and there are so many things that just don't seem to have a solution. It's lucky I'm so accustomed to being optimistic, because I do believe eventually everything will come full circle. It's just hard to wait for that day to come when you want so badly for everything to just be...without boundaries again, I guess. I used to have no inner conflicts, I used to be free, and now that I've allowed myself to become human, emotionally, I have to deal with the fact that I am flawed, I am relying on things other than myself to be happy, I am going to feel things that I cannot control.

This is not to say I've had a bad birthday or anything--it was fine, really, and if things continue the way they're going I'm going to be completely set for conventions money-wise. Almost everyone's getting me presents late, which I don't mind at all. ^^;

I'm going to go read more angsty SasuNaru fanfics, then go to bed. I'm tired. -_-;

Comments

[hitchi.livejournal.com]

Well, I don't know the situation, but I think I understand at least part of what you're feeling...and feeling pathetic for feeling that way. Like, "It's not actually a big deal, but it makes me so sad inside."

...or, I'm way off. Either way, I hope everything rounds out soon, my dear.

[pacificpikachu.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's basically how I feel, in a way... It's just a kind of complicated situation, though it has its definite ups and downs. Thanks for the love. XD;