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pacificpikachuWell, my birthday's pretty much over, and I have no idea what to think of it. It didn't really feel like a birthday--it was just too...routine, in a sense, and like not much was actually going on. I was happy I got to spend some time with my friends, though, and...I don't know. I feel weird right now.
My emotions flared up yet again, so I've spent a lot of the day feeling like I'm in a suspended reality. I talked to a few of my friends about things, but I can't say I feel like I solved a lot. It might have, but I felt so bad asking them to do what I asked them to do, but...I couldn't bear it any more, holding it in.
I just...I disgust myself at how emotional I've become, and there are so many things that just don't seem to have a solution. It's lucky I'm so accustomed to being optimistic, because I do believe eventually everything will come full circle. It's just hard to wait for that day to come when you want so badly for everything to just be...without boundaries again, I guess. I used to have no inner conflicts, I used to be free, and now that I've allowed myself to become human, emotionally, I have to deal with the fact that I am flawed, I am relying on things other than myself to be happy, I am going to feel things that I cannot control.
This is not to say I've had a bad birthday or anything--it was fine, really, and if things continue the way they're going I'm going to be completely set for conventions money-wise. Almost everyone's getting me presents late, which I don't mind at all. ^^;
I'm going to go read more angsty SasuNaru fanfics, then go to bed. I'm tired. -_-;
My emotions flared up yet again, so I've spent a lot of the day feeling like I'm in a suspended reality. I talked to a few of my friends about things, but I can't say I feel like I solved a lot. It might have, but I felt so bad asking them to do what I asked them to do, but...I couldn't bear it any more, holding it in.
I just...I disgust myself at how emotional I've become, and there are so many things that just don't seem to have a solution. It's lucky I'm so accustomed to being optimistic, because I do believe eventually everything will come full circle. It's just hard to wait for that day to come when you want so badly for everything to just be...without boundaries again, I guess. I used to have no inner conflicts, I used to be free, and now that I've allowed myself to become human, emotionally, I have to deal with the fact that I am flawed, I am relying on things other than myself to be happy, I am going to feel things that I cannot control.
This is not to say I've had a bad birthday or anything--it was fine, really, and if things continue the way they're going I'm going to be completely set for conventions money-wise. Almost everyone's getting me presents late, which I don't mind at all. ^^;
I'm going to go read more angsty SasuNaru fanfics, then go to bed. I'm tired. -_-;
