(no subject)

I had such an awesome weekend with friends, the spring weather is back, I was feeling optimistic and great about things in general...

Until I came home and mom informed me that she found all three of my young old english game bantams (Piper, Blackbird, and Isabelle) dead today.

I don't know why they died, and I can't stop crying and crying and crying. I can't believe they're gone, and it hurts so much. I really, really loved those three and was so proud of them. Piper was going to be the head rooster for my whole flock. I feel so guilty, like if maybe I didn't go away for two days this weekend they wouldn't have died.

I just feel so awful, and just when things were looking up. I keep hoping things will get better, and then whenever they do something else takes that away.

I want my beautiful little birds back...

(no subject)

I had such an awesome weekend with friends, the spring weather is back, I was feeling optimistic and great about things in general...

Until I came home and mom informed me that she found all three of my young old english game bantams (Piper, Blackbird, and Isabelle) dead today.

I don't know why they died, and I can't stop crying and crying and crying. I can't believe they're gone, and it hurts so much. I really, really loved those three and was so proud of them. Piper was going to be the head rooster for my whole flock. I feel so guilty, like if maybe I didn't go away for two days this weekend they wouldn't have died.

I just feel so awful, and just when things were looking up. I keep hoping things will get better, and then whenever they do something else takes that away.

I want my beautiful little birds back...

(no subject)

I feel kind of like I've been punched in the gut and had the wind knocked out of me, with my three chickens dying. I was so attached to those three... I don't even know what to do with myself, and I feel so alone and weak and awful. I keep going into sobbing fits when I think about it. I know it may seem overly dramatic to speak this way about chickens, but to me they meant as much as any pet... I just feel like I can't cope with the fact that they're gone, and like I could have done something to save them. If only this, if only that, if only...

I ultimately don't know what killed them, but my mom thinks they starved because I didn't buy food for them on Friday and we ran out of food on Saturday. It's killing me. I dug them out of the garbage and they were still so beautiful in death, their bodies perfect and cold and their feathers in pristine condition... They had no food in their crops, but I don't know if they really did starve. I couldn't buy food, I had no money. I assumed my mom would buy food while I was gone, as she was taking care of them for the two days I was at my dad's spending time with friends. I didn't expect this to happen at all. I just want them back. I already miss them so, so, so much.

I can't quite describe it, but I just feel like with losing them, something in me cracked and I don't know how to repair it.

I'll be okay ultimately, there's not much I can do but move on and get some more old english when the time comes, but I'm just really really upset right now. I loved those three so much.

(no subject)

I feel kind of like I've been punched in the gut and had the wind knocked out of me, with my three chickens dying. I was so attached to those three... I don't even know what to do with myself, and I feel so alone and weak and awful. I keep going into sobbing fits when I think about it. I know it may seem overly dramatic to speak this way about chickens, but to me they meant as much as any pet... I just feel like I can't cope with the fact that they're gone, and like I could have done something to save them. If only this, if only that, if only...

I ultimately don't know what killed them, but my mom thinks they starved because I didn't buy food for them on Friday and we ran out of food on Saturday. It's killing me. I dug them out of the garbage and they were still so beautiful in death, their bodies perfect and cold and their feathers in pristine condition... They had no food in their crops, but I don't know if they really did starve. I couldn't buy food, I had no money. I assumed my mom would buy food while I was gone, as she was taking care of them for the two days I was at my dad's spending time with friends. I didn't expect this to happen at all. I just want them back. I already miss them so, so, so much.

I can't quite describe it, but I just feel like with losing them, something in me cracked and I don't know how to repair it.

I'll be okay ultimately, there's not much I can do but move on and get some more old english when the time comes, but I'm just really really upset right now. I loved those three so much.