(no subject)

[pacificpikachu]

The chick from last night actually miraculously made it. He or she has had a lot of close calls so it's surprising they're still with me, but of course I'll do my best to keep him or her going. Seriously, though, the chick was gasping and freezing cold and generally in a state extremely close to death, and I'm surprised it pulled through!

It's weird not having Albert around. It's kind of surreal that he's gone, to be honest. :( But I'm keeping it out of my mind most of the time. There's no reason to suffer over him when he is no longer suffering.

pdutogepi was talking about being an empath, and that got me reading and thinking. The description fits me almost perfectly. I'm not so bothered by most noises (certain ones set me off) or crowds generally, but everything else? Spot-on. And I think it explains a lot about me as well. I pick up on negativity extremely easily and seem to draw it into myself. When another creature is suffering, animal or human, emotionally I suffer along with them even when I don't realize it and when it accomplishes nothing. I can set my feelings aside sometimes when I need to, but in day-to-day life I seem to get waves of positivity and negativity based off of my surroundings and even what I'm thinking about. Even weird things, like ugly colors and ugly buildings and bad smells and certain sounds (cotton squeaking and chalk and babies crying) can set me into positive or negative modes and even affect my quality of life and thought processes. Can you believe my hands sweat and my stomach knots up when I even think about the above sounds?

Being involved in animal rights and having these empathetic traits can be a struggle at times. I would never leave animal rights alone because it's what I believe is right, but certainly I am deeply affected by knowing about the suffering that goes on. I've gotten to a point where I have accepted that I shouldn't watch real violence towards animals or humans (dead things don't bother me and neither does fictional violence generally, but real suffering does). Even if I try to be indifferent, it stays with me and causes me to suffer as well, and to feel guilty. I feel guilty that I eat dairy products (but I am not ready to stop yet...someday I will), I feel twinges of guilt when I see meat or leather or animal products around me, sometimes I feel guilty for even being human... It's no wonder sometimes I go into negativity spirals and feel overwhelmed. It's almost as though simply knowing about suffering leads me into being there, feeling what they're feeling on some level. I absorb feelings like a sponge.

And I am often distant from my body, hardly feel connected with it at all, and I certainly feel (almost want to say "know" because of the strength of this and also because of some of my personal beliefs) that I am "not from here." That this is "not my world."

So now I just need to work on trying to find balance and happiness. I sometimes do this quite well, and other times I just get overwhelmed by negativity and despair. Lately, aside from Albert dying, things have been pretty good, but sometimes I have rough patches, and sometimes I have rough patches for reasons I don't even understand.

It may sound odd, but Pokémon is seriously one of the things that massively help me to destress and feel good. I don't even have to play the games or watch the anime or anything or even look at fanart (though those help), even just thinking in-depth about it really relaxes me. There are lots of other things that relax me, too, of course, but it's an immense help to me.

Anyway, I should post my first 4koma scans pretty soon, I think. The last two 4koma books I looked at but haven't scanned at are so great I seriously want to scan almost every single page of them. :'D That might take a while, but I have bits and pieces (what I want to post) of three or four books done at least.

I reeeeally need to get going on sales stuff! I'm actually excited to post sales stuff because I've got some interesting items, I just need to get myself to sit down and sort and photograph and post (then get ready to package immediately so it doesn't get put off by being busy). I also have commissions to color. At least I have Thursday off! I think I'll make my goal to have my sales actively posted and going before the end of Thursday.

Comments

[kyogres.livejournal.com]

Glad to hear that the chick made it through the night. Here's hoping for the best.

Sometimes I wish I could feel empathy. I think I'm the opposite of an empath, whatever that is. It's not that I don't care... just that I can't imagine myself in another person or animal's situation if I haven't had the same experience myself. And when I make myself try, I just feel nothing.

[yaoi-queen.livejournal.com]

I feel ya on being an empath. I've always been one and I've gotten used to it. I try my darndest to tune out the negative energy I feel around me, but that's extremely difficult. The entire planet is suffering and I can feel that all the time. It's overwhelming and sometimes I have to break down and cry, because I feel like someone has to. This world is getting treated so poorly by people. Human negativity is easier to pick up for me than animals, and I think it's because humans are downright forceful about it. Their energy speaks volumes and, like you have experienced, it's contagious. Negative energy drains people like us to the point where our whole day is shot because of it. To combat this, you have to remove yourself from the source. I always go somewhere to take my mind off things and project my focus elsewhere. I pick up on sadness the most. it's so powerful that I always feel my chest constrict when I'm around someone in emotional pain.

With animals, it's easier to pick up on their emotions, since they are simpler and honest.

But like i said, I always like to tune in to the energy of nature overall more than anything else. It gives me a broader sense of what's going on. Plus the planet is very receptive, so it's really easy to tune in to its energy. It's calming, yet painful at the same time.

And I am often distant from my body, hardly feel connected with it at all, and I certainly feel (almost want to say "know" because of the strength of this and also because of some of my personal beliefs) that I am "not from here." That this is "not my world."

Oh hun, you're preaching to the choir, as they say. We have quite a kinship, you and I. I've felt for a long, long time that "this is not my world". I almost feel like an observer of sorts. I've never felt comfortable in my own skin. Being associated with humans in general is depressing, even downright embarrassing. If this world were to eradicate all human life on this planet, I say good riddance. The world needs a fresh start.

Man, I could imagine the amazing discussions we'd have in person. Someday. We really have to meet.

[pheonixxfoxx.livejournal.com]

The three of us should get together...;)

[yaoi-queen.livejournal.com]

I wholeheartedly agree with this. :D

[pheonixxfoxx.livejournal.com]

If only I had wheels, one of these days we WILL meet...;)

[pheonixxfoxx.livejournal.com]

I am so happy to hear that the chick has pulled threw the night! It is like when i took Jiraiya in, he was in such bad shape and so tiny! Everyone told me that he probably would not make it and to be prepared! Well, that has been a little over 4 years ago now...

Hum, I wonder if I am an empath?! I know I have a very special bond with all my animals, whenever I am upset Jiraiya comes to comfort me! That reminds me of the green-wing macaw, Hawkeye, that my Mom had. Anytime I was crying or upset, Hawkeye would regurgitate a peanut at me! Peanuts where one of his favorites, next to pistachios, so I felt honored that he felt the need to share with me! Yeah, it is kind of gross, but the first time he did it my tears turned into laughter right after the peanut hit my shoe!! XD

I was told I have a gift when it comes to cats. I would often work with cats everyone else was to afraid to touch at the local pound! For some reason, I can read and understand them in a way most people do not...There was this one dog, whom I named Charlie that I remember working with too! Everyone said he was mean and vicious, poor Charlie was only scared! His tale has a very happy ending, I am happy to say! I did eventually left the pound for it was emotionally getting to me...

And I am often distant from my body, hardly feel connected with it at all, and I certainly feel (almost want to say "know" because of the strength of this and also because of some of my personal beliefs) that I am "not from here." That this is "not my world."

You are most certainly not alone in feeling this way...I honestly do not even feel that I am human, though I may look it!