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May. 10th, 2011 10:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pacificpikachuThe chick from last night actually miraculously made it. He or she has had a lot of close calls so it's surprising they're still with me, but of course I'll do my best to keep him or her going. Seriously, though, the chick was gasping and freezing cold and generally in a state extremely close to death, and I'm surprised it pulled through!
It's weird not having Albert around. It's kind of surreal that he's gone, to be honest. :( But I'm keeping it out of my mind most of the time. There's no reason to suffer over him when he is no longer suffering.
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pdutogepi was talking about being an empath, and that got me reading and thinking. The description fits me almost perfectly. I'm not so bothered by most noises (certain ones set me off) or crowds generally, but everything else? Spot-on. And I think it explains a lot about me as well. I pick up on negativity extremely easily and seem to draw it into myself. When another creature is suffering, animal or human, emotionally I suffer along with them even when I don't realize it and when it accomplishes nothing. I can set my feelings aside sometimes when I need to, but in day-to-day life I seem to get waves of positivity and negativity based off of my surroundings and even what I'm thinking about. Even weird things, like ugly colors and ugly buildings and bad smells and certain sounds (cotton squeaking and chalk and babies crying) can set me into positive or negative modes and even affect my quality of life and thought processes. Can you believe my hands sweat and my stomach knots up when I even think about the above sounds?
Being involved in animal rights and having these empathetic traits can be a struggle at times. I would never leave animal rights alone because it's what I believe is right, but certainly I am deeply affected by knowing about the suffering that goes on. I've gotten to a point where I have accepted that I shouldn't watch real violence towards animals or humans (dead things don't bother me and neither does fictional violence generally, but real suffering does). Even if I try to be indifferent, it stays with me and causes me to suffer as well, and to feel guilty. I feel guilty that I eat dairy products (but I am not ready to stop yet...someday I will), I feel twinges of guilt when I see meat or leather or animal products around me, sometimes I feel guilty for even being human... It's no wonder sometimes I go into negativity spirals and feel overwhelmed. It's almost as though simply knowing about suffering leads me into being there, feeling what they're feeling on some level. I absorb feelings like a sponge.
And I am often distant from my body, hardly feel connected with it at all, and I certainly feel (almost want to say "know" because of the strength of this and also because of some of my personal beliefs) that I am "not from here." That this is "not my world."
So now I just need to work on trying to find balance and happiness. I sometimes do this quite well, and other times I just get overwhelmed by negativity and despair. Lately, aside from Albert dying, things have been pretty good, but sometimes I have rough patches, and sometimes I have rough patches for reasons I don't even understand.
It may sound odd, but Pokémon is seriously one of the things that massively help me to destress and feel good. I don't even have to play the games or watch the anime or anything or even look at fanart (though those help), even just thinking in-depth about it really relaxes me. There are lots of other things that relax me, too, of course, but it's an immense help to me.
Anyway, I should post my first 4koma scans pretty soon, I think. The last two 4koma books I looked at but haven't scanned at are so great I seriously want to scan almost every single page of them. :'D That might take a while, but I have bits and pieces (what I want to post) of three or four books done at least.
I reeeeally need to get going on sales stuff! I'm actually excited to post sales stuff because I've got some interesting items, I just need to get myself to sit down and sort and photograph and post (then get ready to package immediately so it doesn't get put off by being busy). I also have commissions to color. At least I have Thursday off! I think I'll make my goal to have my sales actively posted and going before the end of Thursday.
It's weird not having Albert around. It's kind of surreal that he's gone, to be honest. :( But I'm keeping it out of my mind most of the time. There's no reason to suffer over him when he is no longer suffering.
pdutogepi was talking about being an empath, and that got me reading and thinking. The description fits me almost perfectly. I'm not so bothered by most noises (certain ones set me off) or crowds generally, but everything else? Spot-on. And I think it explains a lot about me as well. I pick up on negativity extremely easily and seem to draw it into myself. When another creature is suffering, animal or human, emotionally I suffer along with them even when I don't realize it and when it accomplishes nothing. I can set my feelings aside sometimes when I need to, but in day-to-day life I seem to get waves of positivity and negativity based off of my surroundings and even what I'm thinking about. Even weird things, like ugly colors and ugly buildings and bad smells and certain sounds (cotton squeaking and chalk and babies crying) can set me into positive or negative modes and even affect my quality of life and thought processes. Can you believe my hands sweat and my stomach knots up when I even think about the above sounds?Being involved in animal rights and having these empathetic traits can be a struggle at times. I would never leave animal rights alone because it's what I believe is right, but certainly I am deeply affected by knowing about the suffering that goes on. I've gotten to a point where I have accepted that I shouldn't watch real violence towards animals or humans (dead things don't bother me and neither does fictional violence generally, but real suffering does). Even if I try to be indifferent, it stays with me and causes me to suffer as well, and to feel guilty. I feel guilty that I eat dairy products (but I am not ready to stop yet...someday I will), I feel twinges of guilt when I see meat or leather or animal products around me, sometimes I feel guilty for even being human... It's no wonder sometimes I go into negativity spirals and feel overwhelmed. It's almost as though simply knowing about suffering leads me into being there, feeling what they're feeling on some level. I absorb feelings like a sponge.
And I am often distant from my body, hardly feel connected with it at all, and I certainly feel (almost want to say "know" because of the strength of this and also because of some of my personal beliefs) that I am "not from here." That this is "not my world."
So now I just need to work on trying to find balance and happiness. I sometimes do this quite well, and other times I just get overwhelmed by negativity and despair. Lately, aside from Albert dying, things have been pretty good, but sometimes I have rough patches, and sometimes I have rough patches for reasons I don't even understand.
It may sound odd, but Pokémon is seriously one of the things that massively help me to destress and feel good. I don't even have to play the games or watch the anime or anything or even look at fanart (though those help), even just thinking in-depth about it really relaxes me. There are lots of other things that relax me, too, of course, but it's an immense help to me.
Anyway, I should post my first 4koma scans pretty soon, I think. The last two 4koma books I looked at but haven't scanned at are so great I seriously want to scan almost every single page of them. :'D That might take a while, but I have bits and pieces (what I want to post) of three or four books done at least.
I reeeeally need to get going on sales stuff! I'm actually excited to post sales stuff because I've got some interesting items, I just need to get myself to sit down and sort and photograph and post (then get ready to package immediately so it doesn't get put off by being busy). I also have commissions to color. At least I have Thursday off! I think I'll make my goal to have my sales actively posted and going before the end of Thursday.
