Competence.

[pacificpikachu]

ANGST POST. Feel free to skip.

There's this constant theme in my life, it seems, of me not being 'competent' in normal, simple, everyday activities. When I'm passionate about something, I'm generally very knowledgeable about it and will dedicate plenty of time and energy into it to make sure I am well-versed in the topic. It's very easy for me to focus on something and study all about it, practice it, figure it out, and so on, both in a scientific sense and an artistic sense. But the problem is, for some reason this is often to the neglect of my physical reality.

I have a hard time remembering to do even simple tasks, I can never find anything, it can be hard for me to muster the energy to do something that takes five minutes if I don't feel like doing it. I simply cannot seem to keep things together that most people have no trouble with. My parents are constantly, constantly harping on me for the fact that I basically have no practical sense whatsoever and my head is always in the clouds, that I don't have a job, that I'm on the computer all the time, that I didn't do this-or-that chore. Little things become big ordeals for me if I'm not interested in them, and essentially if I'm not spending time with friends or caring for pets I'm usually on the computer. Not because I'm obsessed with the computer itself, but with the fact that I can read about or watch about just about any topic I want and do many of the things I want to do.

I guess the problem is that my mind is constantly a mess of abstracts and knowledge and storytelling and analyzing big picture things and so on, but when it comes to simple functioning I just...don't know what to do. It's even easy for me to forget to eat for a day or more because I'm too wrapped up in something else. My mind is constantly going from obsession to obsession about something or another, and I honestly LOVE this because I thrive on being obsessed with things, but the people around me have trouble appreciating this.

I guess I just get frustrated, because I know who I am and I am mostly very happy with that person. I have a lot of developed skills that most people don't have, I put a lot of thought into...well, just about everything, and I know a lot about a wide variety of subjects. But ultimately, what my parents want and what I need in order to function in the world, is a sense of practicality. Of which I have very little. I just can't keep things together. I lose things, I forget what I'm doing or supposed to be doing, I have trouble doing very simple things like laundry or remembering to call to have my medications refilled. If something doesn't relate very directly to an interest of mine, I generally want nothing to do with it or simply forget about it altogether. Not on purpose, and I try very hard to keep everything organized, but my mind simply doesn't seem to work that way.

It's really hard for me to put in words what my exact frustration is. I guess just that I don't have any practicality, and it honestly takes a huge effort for me to remember to do things I'm supposed to do. I'm not very in touch with society, in some ways.

Ugh. I wish I could describe it better. But regardless, it stresses me out because I feel like I'm always making mistakes and failing at everyday life. It's almost impossible for my self-esteem to not suffer as a result. It's irritating when I'm proud of myself for completing some task well, and then either my mom or dad comes home and gets mad because I forgot to do some other things I was supposed to do (but I have no memory of) or because I didn't do it to their standards. I wish I could be more appreciated for who I am and what I am great at instead of what I lack and what I'm terrible at.

My life is mostly awesome, this year has been primarily amazing, and I'm not saying I'm utterly miserable or anything like that, but...the little things do gradually add up. And there definitely are little things.

Comments

[mei-san.livejournal.com]

I must confess I have the same problem. But then again I like to tell myself that when one is independent, one will learn to be practical in his or her life through trial and error. It's like, when you forget to do certain things, you would suffer the consequences instead of having others lecturing you (unless it affects their interests), and you would learn to do things differently next time.

I am pretty much on the computer constantly too, and I worry that I am an internet addict and may lose touch with reality at times. But then again, it's just a matter of lifestyle choice. I think one of the reasons that college students are on Facebook all the darn time is not that Facebook is so great, it's that they have a lot of free time compared to ordinary working adults (who probably spend their working hours in front of the computers too). Of course staying in front of the computers for a long time isn't exactly healthy but....as long as you are doing things you enjoy and are being productive in your own ways I don't see why not.

Maybe you could channel that frustration into your New Year Resolutions (not sure if you're into that sort of thing, haha). Parents just like to nag; I think for most people, however unequipped they are or think they are for the Real World out there, actually do just fine for themselves once they are on their own.

[pacificpikachu.livejournal.com]

I think you hit it spot-on. It's true, when I'm away from my parents I tend to do just fine (I mean, I went to Japan by myself--obviously I'm not that much of a mess), so I guess it's just that they constantly bother me about it that makes me feel so incompetent. My dad is constantly saying he's so concerned that I won't be able to live on my own and all that, but I know myself better than he does and I know I'll be all right. Even if I make some mistakes along the way, I'll learn.

Yeah, I think most people our age spend a lot of time on the computer. It's hard for our parents' generation to understand, especially because both of my parents are very high-energy people and they don't get why I'm not out doing things instead. Honestly, I would rather be out doing things with friends, but my friends are pretty busy, so... The computer is the next best thing, because it allows me to do what I like to do AND socialize and talk to people. I sometimes do spend time away from the internet, like when I was petsitting, and while I missed checking my e-mail and f-list, it wasn't like I was suffering or having withdrawals.

Thanks so much for your words--they really are helping me put it into perspective. ♥

[placetohide.livejournal.com]

I think a lot of those things you struggle with will be things you figure out how to work in your life once you're on your own. When you're living with parents, it's always about doing things to their standards and having them to do things for you as well, so I think it's harder for you to find your own way of going about the practicalities/day-to-day of getting things done.

[pacificpikachu.livejournal.com]

Thank you for saying this, I definitely agree and it helps me put this all into perspective. It's hard for me to do these things because my parents always want me to do it their way and when they say and so on. It's especially hard with my dad, as he's Mr. Clean Freak who constantly wants everything done extremely thoroughly or he gets all crazy about it.

I think, when I get more independence, I will figure these things out and do just fine. It just gets hard to keep my self-esteem up when my parents are always bugging me about these things, haha. Kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy of being told I'm one way and beginning to wonder if that's the truth...

[shipaholic.livejournal.com]

That sounds EXACTLY like me. I've been considering recently that I might have something like ADD, or Aspergers, even. Not that my diagnostic skillz are anything much, but still - do you think it's possible you have something along those lines?

[pacificpikachu.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm not alone in this!

Hmmm, my brother and dad have ADD, and I've taken the quiz for it, but really I have no symptoms of it. In fact, if anything I have too much of an attention span--I can do something for hours and hours and hours!

I think it might just be a result of living with my parents and not having learned how to deal with practical things quite yet (as well as me being a bit scatterbrained). I'm not that worried now, but it still gets annoying being hounded about it by my parents. :/

I hope you figure out something, too.

[wao.livejournal.com]

Heh, what can I say. The possible alternative of tossing aside the "big picture" in order to make the "small things" work is far, far worse a consequence - much harder to recover from and largely a humongous waste.

I had the exact same problems of not bothering with the small things - and other forced social obligations - if it wasn't directly relevant to my interests, and hence paying little attention to the 'practical' things in life. Remembering to wash clothes, keeping things in order (and hoooo boy my mum is a real anal-retentive when it comes to keeping things in complete order and neatness), washing plates right after using them etc.

But the two things I've realised through my experience are that
a. It is ridiculously easy to pick up all this stuff once you have to live on your own, or as mei_san put it, through trial and error. Suddenly, I figure out I have to get my clothes washed and the floor swept and vacuumed.
b. Parents are parents and the time spent seriously worrying over it is entirely not worth it. I entirely understand that it takes a toll on one's self-esteem, but I think you will be fine keeping that level of internal self-acceptance and confidence up, at least IMHO. Don't let them get you down, it's not worth losing your awesomeness for and there are scores of people who are successful because they genuinely love what they're doing and don't feel life is a drag (it never hit me how many people feel that way), not because they manage to tick a whole bunch of checkboxes!

...Is what I say, but I seem to have fallen into the wrong hole regarding this myself anyway. Perhaps I am just talking to myself as usual, but if it's worth anything, I really think the small details fall into sufficient place when you have the big picture sorted out. :v

[pacificpikachu.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes, I agree with all of this. :D I would never give up my interests and vision of the "big picture" in order to get the details in life in order, but it does get frustrating at times because it seems like most people are more concerned with the little things. It's a bit hard for me to understand at this point.

I think when I get more chance to be independent and I'm taking care of things for the sake of taking care of them (rather than simply because my parents want me to) I will be able to deal with it and work it out. When I'm forced to do things on my parent's schedule, with my parent's standards, and simply because they say so, it's harder for me to prioritize it I guess...

And it's true, parents do tend to worry about strange things that aren't worth worrying about. It's just a matter of keeping myself feeling competent even when my parents are always telling me how disorganized and lazy and so on I am. But it'll be fine.

*Hugs* Thank you so much for your input. And I think you'll figure out the small things for yourself eventually, too. We'll both be fine, even with our heads in the clouds. ♥

[ensuing.livejournal.com]

I don't think I can say what I want to very well, but just know that I understand what you mean, and I've felt the same way too. I wish I could give you some advice, but I really don't know myself.

But I can say this: I appreciate you and think you are a wonderful person. Everyone has their quirks, and you should feel bad about yours.

[pacificpikachu.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the sweet comment! No worries about more input, I think I've got this problem sorted out for now. ♥

[mommymoose.livejournal.com]

Parents are worry warts. They want you to do well, they guide you in the way they feel is best for you. The hard part for parents to accept is that sometimes their way is not the only way, and heaven forbid, not going to be your way.
I think you'll be fine. You're distracted with youth. I think it's going to work out well for you, and there's nothing like the school of hard knocks when you're out on your own to really motivate you into remembering things have to be done, and if you don't think of it ahead of time, you're going to sit in a laundromat all smelly and stinky in dirty clothes until you get some clean ones out (yeah, one of my daughters confessed of that)

as far as the internet goes....a clean house is a sign of a broken computer or down internet.

[pacificpikachu.livejournal.com]

This is definitely true. ♥ My parents are both a different type of personality type compared to me and have different priorities, so I think it's easy for us not to see eye-to-eye on what's important and meaningful.

I'll find motivation to do this little things when I'm on my own and they do need to be done. It's true that when I have been on my own I've been fine (for instance, when I went to Japan this summer by myself I did just fine, even sick and not entirely speaking the language).

Thanks for your sweet words! ♥

[slashaddict.livejournal.com]

I mean this with 100% seriousness: it sounds like you have attention deficit disorder. I have it, and it's REAL, despite people's frequent jokes about it and people thinking that it's diagnosed too often. Basically, I feel almost the exact same way that you do--reading this entry was like reading an entry from my own brain! It's kind of neat, actually :D Though what you're describing is not always fun. Except sometimes it can be? Anyway, I understand, seriously. Seriously.

I have a prescription for Ritalin, and, I swear to you, when I take it, it's like someone flipped on the light switch in my brain. If you have insurance, I would strongly recommend getting a screening for ADD.

Tag me on AIM if you want to talk about it: newf baerine

[pacificpikachu.livejournal.com]

Oh, I definitely know it's real! My brother and dad both have it. The thing is that I really don't have any of the symptoms other than being forgetful about certain things, and when my brother took the quiz to determine if he had it, I really had no similarities with it. I have extreme patience and ability to focus (I can focus for hours very easily on almost anything I'm interested in), but it's just that the little things manage to evade me. I think it's more that I just have an obsessive personality and get very immersed in the things I love, and I'm not really in touch with chores and things like that. ^^;

Thank you for the input, though, and I'm glad you understand what I'm going through. :) I really appreciate it!