The most unremarkable birthday to date
Mar. 14th, 2007 10:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pacificpikachuWell, yeah. It's my birthday. And it felt suspiciously like a completely normal day.
I was up late last night stressing because after all that Chemistry homework, I completely forgot to do my math homework. So, although it was bed time when I remembered, I got up and did it anyway. It took me a few hours and it was frustrating because I was tired and couldn't remember how to do the problems, so I was somewhat unhappy about it. I didn't end up finishing the math homework, but I did most of it, anyway.
CC woke me up at 6 AM having a hissy fit. I thought she and Princess got in a fight and one of them was seriously injured from the sound of it, but when I staggered out of bed to check the situation, it turned out CC was just in the windowsill having a spaz fit for no apparent reason. XD;; There's been this gray tomcat lingering around our house and Mom left Tia's food out on the front deck, so I think the tomcat went on the deck to eat the food, CC spotted him, and hence threw a tantrum. Either that or it's possible a wild animal (ie, raccoon) found the food and CC threw a fit over that.
I went to class like usual, sat through the boring Chemistry lecture, failed the quiz, and went through a tedious lab. Before Chemistry I had a little piece of pie to celebrate it being Pi Day. After Chemistry ended, Dad picked me up and we went home. Had some dinner, ate a yummy ice cream cake, and I watched some random snippets of anime for no reason.
I can't describe it really, but I feel extremely lonely and sad right now. Honestly, at the moment, I think it's because I'm tired and stressed out, but I worry there's more to it than that. It's that sort of weird, inexplicable sadness that doesn't seem to have a source. I don't know what I expected, but I feel like it was just...too normal of a day. No one really treated me differently, I didn't get to see any of my friends, and nothing happened that was noteworthy. I got a decent amount of money, but no actual presents, and while I honestly don't care about that (and appreciate the money)...I just. I don't know what's wrong. I feel like something is severely lacking.
Like I said, I think I'm just tired and stressed. But I'm on the verge of tears right now and I don't understand why, and it's unpleasant. This wasn't as difficult as my 18th birthday, which (despite the snow day for my birthday and watching Gankutsuou with good friends) had some emotional difficulties underlying it, but...I don't know. I really don't.
I blame my emotional state partly on watching the first part of the new Makoto Shinkai movie, which was intensely beautiful and lovely but made me feel lonely. (So frickin' pretty, though! GAH. *_*)
Well, regardless... I love you all, and I'm sorry I'm being angsty on my birthday. I'm not attention-whoring, I swear. I just wanted to write about this confusion because I can't understand it and wish I could. I was fine up until about an hour ago, when I started feeling dejected.
Hopefully over the weekend I can de-stress (at least to a degree) and maybe do something meaningful or fun to celebrate.
And I think I'll be happier when I get myself some peepers. (Read: Baby chicks.)
I think I'm going to go write or draw now until I exhaust myself and go to bed.
Nineteen years old! I feel so old. ;_; On a better note, though, this is my last year of being a teenager! Being a teenager sucks, so this is a good thing. Though I admit, I don't like leaving behind my childhood.
I need to update my profile.
I was up late last night stressing because after all that Chemistry homework, I completely forgot to do my math homework. So, although it was bed time when I remembered, I got up and did it anyway. It took me a few hours and it was frustrating because I was tired and couldn't remember how to do the problems, so I was somewhat unhappy about it. I didn't end up finishing the math homework, but I did most of it, anyway.
CC woke me up at 6 AM having a hissy fit. I thought she and Princess got in a fight and one of them was seriously injured from the sound of it, but when I staggered out of bed to check the situation, it turned out CC was just in the windowsill having a spaz fit for no apparent reason. XD;; There's been this gray tomcat lingering around our house and Mom left Tia's food out on the front deck, so I think the tomcat went on the deck to eat the food, CC spotted him, and hence threw a tantrum. Either that or it's possible a wild animal (ie, raccoon) found the food and CC threw a fit over that.
I went to class like usual, sat through the boring Chemistry lecture, failed the quiz, and went through a tedious lab. Before Chemistry I had a little piece of pie to celebrate it being Pi Day. After Chemistry ended, Dad picked me up and we went home. Had some dinner, ate a yummy ice cream cake, and I watched some random snippets of anime for no reason.
I can't describe it really, but I feel extremely lonely and sad right now. Honestly, at the moment, I think it's because I'm tired and stressed out, but I worry there's more to it than that. It's that sort of weird, inexplicable sadness that doesn't seem to have a source. I don't know what I expected, but I feel like it was just...too normal of a day. No one really treated me differently, I didn't get to see any of my friends, and nothing happened that was noteworthy. I got a decent amount of money, but no actual presents, and while I honestly don't care about that (and appreciate the money)...I just. I don't know what's wrong. I feel like something is severely lacking.
Like I said, I think I'm just tired and stressed. But I'm on the verge of tears right now and I don't understand why, and it's unpleasant. This wasn't as difficult as my 18th birthday, which (despite the snow day for my birthday and watching Gankutsuou with good friends) had some emotional difficulties underlying it, but...I don't know. I really don't.
I blame my emotional state partly on watching the first part of the new Makoto Shinkai movie, which was intensely beautiful and lovely but made me feel lonely. (So frickin' pretty, though! GAH. *_*)
Well, regardless... I love you all, and I'm sorry I'm being angsty on my birthday. I'm not attention-whoring, I swear. I just wanted to write about this confusion because I can't understand it and wish I could. I was fine up until about an hour ago, when I started feeling dejected.
Hopefully over the weekend I can de-stress (at least to a degree) and maybe do something meaningful or fun to celebrate.
And I think I'll be happier when I get myself some peepers. (Read: Baby chicks.)
I think I'm going to go write or draw now until I exhaust myself and go to bed.
Nineteen years old! I feel so old. ;_; On a better note, though, this is my last year of being a teenager! Being a teenager sucks, so this is a good thing. Though I admit, I don't like leaving behind my childhood.
I need to update my profile.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 06:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 06:20 am (UTC)I was just about to reply to your entry, too. :D
no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 06:25 am (UTC)Yeah! It was so pretty and nostalgic, but oddly depressing. And I always watch depressing anime, so it's odd when one actually makes me feel lonely. Very strange indeed.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 12:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 12:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-03-15 03:21 pm (UTC)And never wish you were older.
lalalalalalala
Date: 2007-03-15 05:49 pm (UTC)I hope you caught my shout out happy birthday yesterday on my lj. I'm not turning 19 till... september, right... but I don't know whether to be happy or sad about it. I mean 19 is, like, almost 20. Bah! As far as I'm concerned, no one can take our childhoods away from us (and only we can give up our child hood in exchange for only being able to find American Idol and CNN exciting {no offense to american idol}). We can be kids forever! bWAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHAAAAHAAAAAA!
I'm sure I'll read ranma till I'm dead. We all have our guilty childhood things we will never stop fan-personing over. LIIIVE, CHILD, LIIIIIIIVE.
Hah, that post is very strange sounding now that I actually read it... oh well. Happy birthday again!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-16 04:17 am (UTC)It was a pretty dull day here... With my Laundry. Similarly to last year, I didn't go to school yesterday either... I ditched it. Woo!
In any event, happy-happy Birthday. I'm sorry I couldn't come see you (although you never expected it to begin with anyway) ...Seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY... Let's get together BEFORE the month is out. That is my goal. Make me live up to it.
I hope you're day was alright, ultimately. :)
no subject
Date: 2007-03-16 04:34 am (UTC)It's all right that you didn't drop by--I was in class until 6PM anyway, so if you had dropped by before then, you would have only found Ryan there.
Why don't you come over this weekend? I'm actually somewhat free this weekend, surprisingly. I have a little homework and some cosplay-related stuff to do, along with ordering some chickens (WOO SPECIAL-ORDER CHICKENS! I AM SUCH A DORK). If you're free, please give me a call! I miss you so much. I miss everyone, actually, as I'm rather isolated due to copious amounts of homework, but you in particular. Do you realize I haven't seen you since last Anime Expo?! That's a long time.
I'm dropping you an e-mail right now of my phone numbers and directions to my house.
I'm okay now. :D I have no idea what came over me last night, but it disappeared pretty much right after I finished the entry.
no subject
Date: 2007-03-19 01:48 am (UTC)Oh yeah, It has been a long time, but it wasn't anime expo. I randomly dropped by to visit you that one time, before you moved out of your apartment... It wasn't exactly the best or happiest time though. :(
Seeya soon... hopefully. Smile!
no subject
Date: 2007-03-18 02:10 am (UTC)*hugg0rz*