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Aug. 23rd, 2010 05:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pacificpikachuSo, my other bit of "news" is that I guess I'm taking the semester off. I've been thinking about it for a few weeks, and today is the first day of the semester, so I just suppose...I'm taking the semester off.
To be honest I feel really guilty and sad about it. Believe it or not, for the most part I actually enjoy school and it helps me feel productive and like I'm moving forward in my life as opposed to just sitting around doing nothing like I do most of the rest of the time. The reason I'm taking the semester off, though, is that with my current energy levels, I am not up for taking the classes I actually need to take. Sure, I could take non-science or math classes forever and get straight As but get nowhere, but I want to be able to take on the classes I actually need to take. And that requires getting my energy, concentration, focus, and motivation back. For the last few years I've struggled with depression or whatever this is making it so I can't seem to deal with more difficult/heavy workload classes, and I've had enough of taking "filler" classes and hoping inactively that things get better.
If I take this semester off, it'll give me time to try different medications, go to doctors, try and figure out how to get my brain working like it used to. It'll let me rest a little longer and try to get things in order. To be honest, I've never had more than a summer off school (though I always have the whole summer off) in all my years of being in school. I've never taken a semester off. So I feel super guilty, like a failure, like I'm just slacking off... But I'm doing this for a reason, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's not like I'm dropping out of school, just taking a one semester break.
Part of me really wishes I was returning to school today. Getting to see familiar faces, learn new things, hang out on campus, and feel that sense of accomplishment, get excited about new classes. The other part of me thinks this is for the best.
I have a feeling I'm going to get bothered a lot by my parents for this decision. :( My mom already knows but my dad doesn't. They're going to want me to get a job (which I will if I can! I'm going to try my hardest to find one), they're going to go on to me about money as usual, and I'm sure I'll get ragged on for being a lazy bum or whatever. I feel like I'm being lazy, too. But I guess this just needs to happen.
Unless something really crazy happens, I'm definitely planning on returning to school in the spring. To take Chemistry 1B, hopefully. I hate postponing my plans, I'm frustrated, I don't know if I'll have to wait until 2012 to go to Davis as a result... I'm going to look into my options, talk to school counselors, try and work out a concrete plan. I do still plan on being a veterinarian even if it takes me a while. Honestly, though, I'm young--does it really matter if I take things a bit slowly? It would be nice to be a veterinarian by age thirty, certainly, and allowing for that that would give me a few more years to work on my bachelor's, though of course the sooner I can finish the better. I don't even have that many classes left to finish my bachelor's. But I guess the point is I get stressed about my pace, I get impatient, I get frustrated that I'm not finishing things right away. But ultimately, if I continue working towards the same goal and just do it at the pace that works for me, is there anything wrong with that? I have the whole rest of my life to be a vet. I might as well take school in such a way that I'm not burning myself out.
Anyway, I'm going to have to find different projects, odd jobs, and other things to do to keep myself feeling like I'm mot just completely stagnating this semester. Any suggestions or thoughts would be very much appreciated!
Also, I have two super cute serama chicks! Mama Splash bonded more strongly to the older chick she adopted, so those two are out in the serama coop together, and then the newly hatched chicks I'm keeping in my room with me. They're eating and drinking and walking around, and they're sooo small and fluffy!
Sadly, two of the eggs mostly hatched but then died for some reason, and the other two didn't hatch at all. :( I think it's because Splash was pretty unreliable with staying on her eggs towards the end because she wanted to walk around with the older chick, and they kept getting cold. I tried switching them to the heating pad, but she refused to sit on them when they were on the heating pad. Oh well, that's life--not every egg or every chick can survive. One of the two that died hatched mostly on its own this morning but something was clearly wrong with it--it kept stretching out in a weird way and it didn't seem like all the blood in the membranes was reabsorbed.
Anyway, bawww, little tragedies, but I'm constantly learning about breeding chickens and every even few chicks I hatch is a success. I may try another incubator hatch while these chicks are growing up, but that's only if I get enough eggs from my birds or I'm able to buy some serama eggs from the breeders I got my birds from. Still, I've got:
- One serama rooster
- Two adult hens
- Two older pullets
- Four medium-age chicks
- Two little chicks
So that's not bad for my little serama breeding project. :)
To be honest I feel really guilty and sad about it. Believe it or not, for the most part I actually enjoy school and it helps me feel productive and like I'm moving forward in my life as opposed to just sitting around doing nothing like I do most of the rest of the time. The reason I'm taking the semester off, though, is that with my current energy levels, I am not up for taking the classes I actually need to take. Sure, I could take non-science or math classes forever and get straight As but get nowhere, but I want to be able to take on the classes I actually need to take. And that requires getting my energy, concentration, focus, and motivation back. For the last few years I've struggled with depression or whatever this is making it so I can't seem to deal with more difficult/heavy workload classes, and I've had enough of taking "filler" classes and hoping inactively that things get better.
If I take this semester off, it'll give me time to try different medications, go to doctors, try and figure out how to get my brain working like it used to. It'll let me rest a little longer and try to get things in order. To be honest, I've never had more than a summer off school (though I always have the whole summer off) in all my years of being in school. I've never taken a semester off. So I feel super guilty, like a failure, like I'm just slacking off... But I'm doing this for a reason, and I have to keep reminding myself of that. It's not like I'm dropping out of school, just taking a one semester break.
Part of me really wishes I was returning to school today. Getting to see familiar faces, learn new things, hang out on campus, and feel that sense of accomplishment, get excited about new classes. The other part of me thinks this is for the best.
I have a feeling I'm going to get bothered a lot by my parents for this decision. :( My mom already knows but my dad doesn't. They're going to want me to get a job (which I will if I can! I'm going to try my hardest to find one), they're going to go on to me about money as usual, and I'm sure I'll get ragged on for being a lazy bum or whatever. I feel like I'm being lazy, too. But I guess this just needs to happen.
Unless something really crazy happens, I'm definitely planning on returning to school in the spring. To take Chemistry 1B, hopefully. I hate postponing my plans, I'm frustrated, I don't know if I'll have to wait until 2012 to go to Davis as a result... I'm going to look into my options, talk to school counselors, try and work out a concrete plan. I do still plan on being a veterinarian even if it takes me a while. Honestly, though, I'm young--does it really matter if I take things a bit slowly? It would be nice to be a veterinarian by age thirty, certainly, and allowing for that that would give me a few more years to work on my bachelor's, though of course the sooner I can finish the better. I don't even have that many classes left to finish my bachelor's. But I guess the point is I get stressed about my pace, I get impatient, I get frustrated that I'm not finishing things right away. But ultimately, if I continue working towards the same goal and just do it at the pace that works for me, is there anything wrong with that? I have the whole rest of my life to be a vet. I might as well take school in such a way that I'm not burning myself out.
Anyway, I'm going to have to find different projects, odd jobs, and other things to do to keep myself feeling like I'm mot just completely stagnating this semester. Any suggestions or thoughts would be very much appreciated!
Also, I have two super cute serama chicks! Mama Splash bonded more strongly to the older chick she adopted, so those two are out in the serama coop together, and then the newly hatched chicks I'm keeping in my room with me. They're eating and drinking and walking around, and they're sooo small and fluffy!
Sadly, two of the eggs mostly hatched but then died for some reason, and the other two didn't hatch at all. :( I think it's because Splash was pretty unreliable with staying on her eggs towards the end because she wanted to walk around with the older chick, and they kept getting cold. I tried switching them to the heating pad, but she refused to sit on them when they were on the heating pad. Oh well, that's life--not every egg or every chick can survive. One of the two that died hatched mostly on its own this morning but something was clearly wrong with it--it kept stretching out in a weird way and it didn't seem like all the blood in the membranes was reabsorbed.
Anyway, bawww, little tragedies, but I'm constantly learning about breeding chickens and every even few chicks I hatch is a success. I may try another incubator hatch while these chicks are growing up, but that's only if I get enough eggs from my birds or I'm able to buy some serama eggs from the breeders I got my birds from. Still, I've got:
- One serama rooster
- Two adult hens
- Two older pullets
- Four medium-age chicks
- Two little chicks
So that's not bad for my little serama breeding project. :)
