The most unremarkable birthday to date
Mar. 14th, 2007 10:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pacificpikachuWell, yeah. It's my birthday. And it felt suspiciously like a completely normal day.
I was up late last night stressing because after all that Chemistry homework, I completely forgot to do my math homework. So, although it was bed time when I remembered, I got up and did it anyway. It took me a few hours and it was frustrating because I was tired and couldn't remember how to do the problems, so I was somewhat unhappy about it. I didn't end up finishing the math homework, but I did most of it, anyway.
CC woke me up at 6 AM having a hissy fit. I thought she and Princess got in a fight and one of them was seriously injured from the sound of it, but when I staggered out of bed to check the situation, it turned out CC was just in the windowsill having a spaz fit for no apparent reason. XD;; There's been this gray tomcat lingering around our house and Mom left Tia's food out on the front deck, so I think the tomcat went on the deck to eat the food, CC spotted him, and hence threw a tantrum. Either that or it's possible a wild animal (ie, raccoon) found the food and CC threw a fit over that.
I went to class like usual, sat through the boring Chemistry lecture, failed the quiz, and went through a tedious lab. Before Chemistry I had a little piece of pie to celebrate it being Pi Day. After Chemistry ended, Dad picked me up and we went home. Had some dinner, ate a yummy ice cream cake, and I watched some random snippets of anime for no reason.
I can't describe it really, but I feel extremely lonely and sad right now. Honestly, at the moment, I think it's because I'm tired and stressed out, but I worry there's more to it than that. It's that sort of weird, inexplicable sadness that doesn't seem to have a source. I don't know what I expected, but I feel like it was just...too normal of a day. No one really treated me differently, I didn't get to see any of my friends, and nothing happened that was noteworthy. I got a decent amount of money, but no actual presents, and while I honestly don't care about that (and appreciate the money)...I just. I don't know what's wrong. I feel like something is severely lacking.
Like I said, I think I'm just tired and stressed. But I'm on the verge of tears right now and I don't understand why, and it's unpleasant. This wasn't as difficult as my 18th birthday, which (despite the snow day for my birthday and watching Gankutsuou with good friends) had some emotional difficulties underlying it, but...I don't know. I really don't.
I blame my emotional state partly on watching the first part of the new Makoto Shinkai movie, which was intensely beautiful and lovely but made me feel lonely. (So frickin' pretty, though! GAH. *_*)
Well, regardless... I love you all, and I'm sorry I'm being angsty on my birthday. I'm not attention-whoring, I swear. I just wanted to write about this confusion because I can't understand it and wish I could. I was fine up until about an hour ago, when I started feeling dejected.
Hopefully over the weekend I can de-stress (at least to a degree) and maybe do something meaningful or fun to celebrate.
And I think I'll be happier when I get myself some peepers. (Read: Baby chicks.)
I think I'm going to go write or draw now until I exhaust myself and go to bed.
Nineteen years old! I feel so old. ;_; On a better note, though, this is my last year of being a teenager! Being a teenager sucks, so this is a good thing. Though I admit, I don't like leaving behind my childhood.
I need to update my profile.
I was up late last night stressing because after all that Chemistry homework, I completely forgot to do my math homework. So, although it was bed time when I remembered, I got up and did it anyway. It took me a few hours and it was frustrating because I was tired and couldn't remember how to do the problems, so I was somewhat unhappy about it. I didn't end up finishing the math homework, but I did most of it, anyway.
CC woke me up at 6 AM having a hissy fit. I thought she and Princess got in a fight and one of them was seriously injured from the sound of it, but when I staggered out of bed to check the situation, it turned out CC was just in the windowsill having a spaz fit for no apparent reason. XD;; There's been this gray tomcat lingering around our house and Mom left Tia's food out on the front deck, so I think the tomcat went on the deck to eat the food, CC spotted him, and hence threw a tantrum. Either that or it's possible a wild animal (ie, raccoon) found the food and CC threw a fit over that.
I went to class like usual, sat through the boring Chemistry lecture, failed the quiz, and went through a tedious lab. Before Chemistry I had a little piece of pie to celebrate it being Pi Day. After Chemistry ended, Dad picked me up and we went home. Had some dinner, ate a yummy ice cream cake, and I watched some random snippets of anime for no reason.
I can't describe it really, but I feel extremely lonely and sad right now. Honestly, at the moment, I think it's because I'm tired and stressed out, but I worry there's more to it than that. It's that sort of weird, inexplicable sadness that doesn't seem to have a source. I don't know what I expected, but I feel like it was just...too normal of a day. No one really treated me differently, I didn't get to see any of my friends, and nothing happened that was noteworthy. I got a decent amount of money, but no actual presents, and while I honestly don't care about that (and appreciate the money)...I just. I don't know what's wrong. I feel like something is severely lacking.
Like I said, I think I'm just tired and stressed. But I'm on the verge of tears right now and I don't understand why, and it's unpleasant. This wasn't as difficult as my 18th birthday, which (despite the snow day for my birthday and watching Gankutsuou with good friends) had some emotional difficulties underlying it, but...I don't know. I really don't.
I blame my emotional state partly on watching the first part of the new Makoto Shinkai movie, which was intensely beautiful and lovely but made me feel lonely. (So frickin' pretty, though! GAH. *_*)
Well, regardless... I love you all, and I'm sorry I'm being angsty on my birthday. I'm not attention-whoring, I swear. I just wanted to write about this confusion because I can't understand it and wish I could. I was fine up until about an hour ago, when I started feeling dejected.
Hopefully over the weekend I can de-stress (at least to a degree) and maybe do something meaningful or fun to celebrate.
And I think I'll be happier when I get myself some peepers. (Read: Baby chicks.)
I think I'm going to go write or draw now until I exhaust myself and go to bed.
Nineteen years old! I feel so old. ;_; On a better note, though, this is my last year of being a teenager! Being a teenager sucks, so this is a good thing. Though I admit, I don't like leaving behind my childhood.
I need to update my profile.
