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May. 10th, 2011 01:03 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pacificpikachuI just found my rouen drake, Albert, dead... He was out free-ranging and I didn't shut them in, and it seems a predator must have gotten him. As far as I can tell, there were no signs of a struggle so I don't know what happened, but I feel bad. I could have shut him in earlier and maybe prevented this. I'm really going to miss him. I'd had him for almost five years and raised him and Eugenie from two-day-old ducklings, so it will be strange without him. He was such a beautiful boy, and funny, too. It will be so weird without him...
Poultry deaths and I have a weird relationship because they're so frequent. Of course, having dozens of birds like I do, deaths just happen no matter how hard I try to prevent them, maybe a few a month. Sometimes more than that when I have chicks simply because they're so fragile that some mortality is almost guaranteed. I feel sad when deaths occur and miss the individual who has passed away, but I refuse to let it ruin my happiness much or mourn for long, because they are so frequent. Then I feel guilty that I don't mourn for longer, as though it means I didn't care about the one who passed away (when that is not true at all). Ultimately, though, mourning is not for the individual who passed away, it's for the individual who is left. And spending my time and energy mourning every time does nothing for the one who passed, and it expends my energy on negative things. I feel like I'm always mourning just a little, even if it's not for animals I've known, but for those in factory farms and dying, unseen, otherwise. There is so much sadness and injustice in the world, perhaps mourning for my poultry friends, who live great and beautiful lives for the most part, should be brief and quiet.
I feel like brief and quiet is the most appropriate way to deal with most of these deaths, for my own sake and sanity. I think of them fondly, though, and never forget them, and do my best to give the remaining animals the best life possible.
The guilt of the fact that these deaths are often caused by my seemingly minor oversights or dumb situations adds another layer of complexity, though. I can deal with the deaths but when they're my fault, that makes it hard on me. Even knowing that I work hard to try and give all of these birds the best lives I can, I just hate that feeling of guilt and "If only..." and feeling like I caused their deaths.
Regardless of the conflicted feelings that come with deaths for me, I know Albert had a wonderful life. From his first days I gave him care and love. Today, and often recently, he got to go out and free-range on the property with his friends. I just saw him this afternoon in the sun walking with Tux and Eugenie and having a grand time. I hope whatever killed him did it quickly. It must have, with no feathers around.
Rest in peace, Albert. You were loved and will never be forgotten. The yard won't look the same without you waddling around in it.
I also think the chukar might be gone for good. I'll miss him a lot, too. I really got attached to that little guy.
Sometimes keeping as many birds as I do can be hard on the heart. I really do love them all. Ultimately, though...it's worth it. Even when it's heartbreaking, it's worth it.
Poultry deaths and I have a weird relationship because they're so frequent. Of course, having dozens of birds like I do, deaths just happen no matter how hard I try to prevent them, maybe a few a month. Sometimes more than that when I have chicks simply because they're so fragile that some mortality is almost guaranteed. I feel sad when deaths occur and miss the individual who has passed away, but I refuse to let it ruin my happiness much or mourn for long, because they are so frequent. Then I feel guilty that I don't mourn for longer, as though it means I didn't care about the one who passed away (when that is not true at all). Ultimately, though, mourning is not for the individual who passed away, it's for the individual who is left. And spending my time and energy mourning every time does nothing for the one who passed, and it expends my energy on negative things. I feel like I'm always mourning just a little, even if it's not for animals I've known, but for those in factory farms and dying, unseen, otherwise. There is so much sadness and injustice in the world, perhaps mourning for my poultry friends, who live great and beautiful lives for the most part, should be brief and quiet.
I feel like brief and quiet is the most appropriate way to deal with most of these deaths, for my own sake and sanity. I think of them fondly, though, and never forget them, and do my best to give the remaining animals the best life possible.
The guilt of the fact that these deaths are often caused by my seemingly minor oversights or dumb situations adds another layer of complexity, though. I can deal with the deaths but when they're my fault, that makes it hard on me. Even knowing that I work hard to try and give all of these birds the best lives I can, I just hate that feeling of guilt and "If only..." and feeling like I caused their deaths.
Regardless of the conflicted feelings that come with deaths for me, I know Albert had a wonderful life. From his first days I gave him care and love. Today, and often recently, he got to go out and free-range on the property with his friends. I just saw him this afternoon in the sun walking with Tux and Eugenie and having a grand time. I hope whatever killed him did it quickly. It must have, with no feathers around.
Rest in peace, Albert. You were loved and will never be forgotten. The yard won't look the same without you waddling around in it.
I also think the chukar might be gone for good. I'll miss him a lot, too. I really got attached to that little guy.
Sometimes keeping as many birds as I do can be hard on the heart. I really do love them all. Ultimately, though...it's worth it. Even when it's heartbreaking, it's worth it.
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Date: 2011-05-10 09:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-10 01:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-10 09:31 pm (UTC)