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Sep. 19th, 2010 09:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pacificpikachuI'm all sleepyyyy today even with the Adderall. =____= I blame it on hormones because it's that time of the month, oh joy. I was sort of depressed last night for no reason and I feel just a little melancholy today, but aside from that and today's sleepiness I've been feeling quite a bit better. I took the dogs for a nice hour walk yesterday and if I can shake this sleepiness I'll take them for another hour walk (in the dark is fine).
I am proud of myself for doing quite a bit of art lately! I feel like my comfort and skill doing digital art has increased quite a bit with my recent practice--which is not to say I think I'm amazing or anything, but I am just beginning to feel like digital art is not a chore and that I have the options and flexibility I want. :D SAI, tablet, and practice are doing good things finally! I have a drawing to finish tonight as well, so that will keep me nicely busy.
I put an ad on Craigslist just out of curiosity about chain link dog kennel panels (so I can add on to chicken enclosures, as I said in a previous entry), and a nice guy called today saying he has a bunch of them. I'm not sure how much he'll want for them because he didn't say (or if he's giving them away? I dunno, it's possible but I don't expect that), but I'm calling him back Tuesday evening and arranging a time to go look/maybe pick some up. Also, he was concerned about his chicken's legs, saying she couldn't walk but he's been taking care of her, and I almost immediately figured out the problem and gave him a remedy for it, so I feel good about that. :D He was really happy to hear that there was hope for her.
I stalked the chickens and took pictures today. I'll have to do a huge photopost soon, I have pictures of kittens, the dog show, chickens, and so on!
I feel so weird at the moment! Like, wistfully melancholy, but sometimes the wistfully melancholy feeling is nostalgia about Pokémon, sometimes it's about the edge of my issues with humanity/treatmeant of animals (only a little because if I focus on that in any sort of depth I get very depressed, not just wistfully melancholy), sometimes it's just...vagueness. To be clear, it is not a bad feeling really, more neutral and even sort of pleasant in a strange way. Ahaha, like I said, it's vague. I dunno how to explain it!
I had a dream last night that I heard a bird yelling outside in distress. After a while, I went outside and discovered that a magpie had gotten trapped in my chicken-catching net (which is actually a fishing net, but whatever). It took me a few minutes to free the bird from the net, and while I was doing such the bird looked me in the eye. It felt very real, I can still see the details in the bird's feathers, the scales on its feet, the look in its eye. I might start my NaNoNovel off with a scene like that and go from there. I'm thinking about it.
On a random note, I hate the fact that I can be somewhat unreliable. I am reliable in some ways, even very reliable in some ways, but in other ways I sometimes have trouble doing things when I'm supposed to. I wish I could keep track of everything I intend to do and do them all, when I say and how I say. But I think when I am unreliable, it is ultimately a result of either my lack of energy, my forgetfulness, or my lack of money. Hopefully as my energy issues are better managed, that may partially resolve my forgetfulness as well, and I hopefully will be better at getting things done. Now to find a job and I'll be set, kind of.
My mind is complex. There's a lot going on in it at all times more-or-less. All kinds of things--imaginations, stories, sifting information, daydreaming, stuff going on in my life, musings on philosophy and especially morality, just...all kinds of things. I'm stuck in my own head in some ways, my connection with the "real world" often feels like it's hardly there. I don't find it a negative trait overall (although it certainly can be), after all I'm happy in my internal world and I feel like I'm always building on it and growing, but it does make it hard for me to be practical and grounded. It's like...I'm good at the things I'm good at/interested in, but anything outside of that sphere? Pffthahaha, I fail at even simple tasks sometimes, much less keeping life in general in order. I'll confess, part of me really wishes I could just get tons and tons of money for no reason and then I would just spend my whole life rehabbing wildlife, breeding and raising poultry and exotic pheasant species, and drawing and writing. I guess I just fantasize about financial stability because I feel like everything else is already chaotic enough in my life and brain without adding the element of money into it. I just have so many ideas of what I want to do in my life, and only so much time and hardly any money to put those ideas into action.
Blah blah blah, I'm just rambling about nothing in particular again. I'm going to go take a shower now~
I am proud of myself for doing quite a bit of art lately! I feel like my comfort and skill doing digital art has increased quite a bit with my recent practice--which is not to say I think I'm amazing or anything, but I am just beginning to feel like digital art is not a chore and that I have the options and flexibility I want. :D SAI, tablet, and practice are doing good things finally! I have a drawing to finish tonight as well, so that will keep me nicely busy.
I put an ad on Craigslist just out of curiosity about chain link dog kennel panels (so I can add on to chicken enclosures, as I said in a previous entry), and a nice guy called today saying he has a bunch of them. I'm not sure how much he'll want for them because he didn't say (or if he's giving them away? I dunno, it's possible but I don't expect that), but I'm calling him back Tuesday evening and arranging a time to go look/maybe pick some up. Also, he was concerned about his chicken's legs, saying she couldn't walk but he's been taking care of her, and I almost immediately figured out the problem and gave him a remedy for it, so I feel good about that. :D He was really happy to hear that there was hope for her.
I stalked the chickens and took pictures today. I'll have to do a huge photopost soon, I have pictures of kittens, the dog show, chickens, and so on!
I feel so weird at the moment! Like, wistfully melancholy, but sometimes the wistfully melancholy feeling is nostalgia about Pokémon, sometimes it's about the edge of my issues with humanity/treatmeant of animals (only a little because if I focus on that in any sort of depth I get very depressed, not just wistfully melancholy), sometimes it's just...vagueness. To be clear, it is not a bad feeling really, more neutral and even sort of pleasant in a strange way. Ahaha, like I said, it's vague. I dunno how to explain it!
I had a dream last night that I heard a bird yelling outside in distress. After a while, I went outside and discovered that a magpie had gotten trapped in my chicken-catching net (which is actually a fishing net, but whatever). It took me a few minutes to free the bird from the net, and while I was doing such the bird looked me in the eye. It felt very real, I can still see the details in the bird's feathers, the scales on its feet, the look in its eye. I might start my NaNoNovel off with a scene like that and go from there. I'm thinking about it.
On a random note, I hate the fact that I can be somewhat unreliable. I am reliable in some ways, even very reliable in some ways, but in other ways I sometimes have trouble doing things when I'm supposed to. I wish I could keep track of everything I intend to do and do them all, when I say and how I say. But I think when I am unreliable, it is ultimately a result of either my lack of energy, my forgetfulness, or my lack of money. Hopefully as my energy issues are better managed, that may partially resolve my forgetfulness as well, and I hopefully will be better at getting things done. Now to find a job and I'll be set, kind of.
My mind is complex. There's a lot going on in it at all times more-or-less. All kinds of things--imaginations, stories, sifting information, daydreaming, stuff going on in my life, musings on philosophy and especially morality, just...all kinds of things. I'm stuck in my own head in some ways, my connection with the "real world" often feels like it's hardly there. I don't find it a negative trait overall (although it certainly can be), after all I'm happy in my internal world and I feel like I'm always building on it and growing, but it does make it hard for me to be practical and grounded. It's like...I'm good at the things I'm good at/interested in, but anything outside of that sphere? Pffthahaha, I fail at even simple tasks sometimes, much less keeping life in general in order. I'll confess, part of me really wishes I could just get tons and tons of money for no reason and then I would just spend my whole life rehabbing wildlife, breeding and raising poultry and exotic pheasant species, and drawing and writing. I guess I just fantasize about financial stability because I feel like everything else is already chaotic enough in my life and brain without adding the element of money into it. I just have so many ideas of what I want to do in my life, and only so much time and hardly any money to put those ideas into action.
Blah blah blah, I'm just rambling about nothing in particular again. I'm going to go take a shower now~
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Date: 2010-09-21 10:51 pm (UTC)Ditto on the last paragraph you have no idea. Sometimes I get so involved with something in my head, that it's literally jarring trying to reconnect with reality once I snap out of it. Super weird.
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Date: 2010-09-24 08:21 am (UTC)And it's comforting that I'm not the only person who just barely connects with physical reality. I agree, it can be jarring and sometimes it comes as a shock to me. Suddenly I'll realize I physically exist and it's just...like a jolt. A very bizarre feeling.