A speckle of sunlight
Apr. 17th, 2006 07:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
pacificpikachuToday was...all right. ^^ Not the greatest--I felt a little emotional, but for the most part I've been at least a little optimistic. I'm really trying to focus on the whole "accept it and learn to live with it" idea, so...I kind of go back and forth on how I feel on that (sometimes I'm miserable and sometimes that philosophy seems all right), but right now... I'm not bad.
It's surprising I'm even able to deal with the world at all today, as I got virtually no sleep. Going to sleep at 10 PM when you're used to 1:30 AM is difficult, in addition to angst pestering at your mind. The fact that I had a 70-lb. lab on one side of me, a 40-lb. Border Collie on the other side of me, and a cat on my head purring and going in and out of my covers didn't help (although it was endearing that they all kept me company). I kept staring at the clock during the night, too, which is a bad practice when one is honestly making an effort to fall asleep.
So, waking up was not pleasant... I managed, though, and packed my lunch in a haze. A little Ayumi Hamasaki in the car on the way to school helped cheer me up a bit, though I was downright tired. I got to school during the passing period, so I didn't go by the choir today. Probably...for the better, as much as I don't want to admit that.
I attempted to draw first period, only to discover that it was a futile effort. Apparently sleep deprivation and general laziness are unhelpful to the creative process. I just couldn't seem to get the coordination together today, too. So, I sat and listened to music and thought vaguely over things for the whole period.
We watched a documentary on Congress in Government... I was nodding off throughout the whole movie, and on the verge of falling asleep, though the movie was moderately interesting and Mr. LaMarca insisted on keeping the lights on.
PE was...unpleasant. >< It was snowing slightly and freezing, but Mr. Humphers made us run a mile out on the track anyway. While just standing around, the cold wasn't that bad at all, but once you added the wind chill factor caused by running...brrr. And you all know I don't get cold easily. My arms and legs and everything else turned bright red from cold, though, and it was rather difficult to change out of my PE clothes because my hands were numb. Not fun.
Zoe and I talked about random things during Lunch. Anime things, like usual. Oh, and lots of discussion on homosexuality. This isn't unusual for us, either, though. ^^;;
Talked to Makayla and Zoe about anime during 5th. Didn't get anything done, but that's okay. XD; Zoe's still skeptical about Loveless, and I think Makayla and I fangirling over it doesn't help. Some Death Note discussion commenced, among other stuff.
English, we merely discussed Senior Project. You know, I might just want to get started on that, huh?
I...thought about going to Anatomy during seventh period, but... It seemed counterproductive to any emotional progress I'm making. Seeing them together, even just in class, tends to make me bristle a little and feel helpless in general. I feel like I'm distancing myself from them to an extent, and I don't want to do that, but for the moment it seems like I have to. This isn't to say the distancing will be long-lasting or [hopefully] cause any longterm divides between myself and either of them, or even be that noticable or distinct, but... I'm trying to get over it, and while I'm perfectly fine hanging out with either of them separately, I think it's a bit too much at this point to be able to look at them both and not have my mind freak out on me. It's easy enough to fall in love (okay, myself excepted here), but extremely difficult to fall out of it. I don't think I can accomplish that, but I'm hoping to at least desensitize myself to the whole thing. Not sure if I can totally do that, either, but I'm certainly going to try.
Well, the sun was nice today and the clouds were beautiful... I got to spend time with my animals (Winry and Sheska are almost certainly pregnant again... ><) and I spent a little while looking at Death Note cosplayers. That's been my day so far. I think I'll do some homework and catch up on my friends-list for the rest of tonight. Zoe's probably going to spend the night tomorrow night, and we get to ditch with permission until 12:50 on Wednesday. :D
It's surprising I'm even able to deal with the world at all today, as I got virtually no sleep. Going to sleep at 10 PM when you're used to 1:30 AM is difficult, in addition to angst pestering at your mind. The fact that I had a 70-lb. lab on one side of me, a 40-lb. Border Collie on the other side of me, and a cat on my head purring and going in and out of my covers didn't help (although it was endearing that they all kept me company). I kept staring at the clock during the night, too, which is a bad practice when one is honestly making an effort to fall asleep.
So, waking up was not pleasant... I managed, though, and packed my lunch in a haze. A little Ayumi Hamasaki in the car on the way to school helped cheer me up a bit, though I was downright tired. I got to school during the passing period, so I didn't go by the choir today. Probably...for the better, as much as I don't want to admit that.
I attempted to draw first period, only to discover that it was a futile effort. Apparently sleep deprivation and general laziness are unhelpful to the creative process. I just couldn't seem to get the coordination together today, too. So, I sat and listened to music and thought vaguely over things for the whole period.
We watched a documentary on Congress in Government... I was nodding off throughout the whole movie, and on the verge of falling asleep, though the movie was moderately interesting and Mr. LaMarca insisted on keeping the lights on.
PE was...unpleasant. >< It was snowing slightly and freezing, but Mr. Humphers made us run a mile out on the track anyway. While just standing around, the cold wasn't that bad at all, but once you added the wind chill factor caused by running...brrr. And you all know I don't get cold easily. My arms and legs and everything else turned bright red from cold, though, and it was rather difficult to change out of my PE clothes because my hands were numb. Not fun.
Zoe and I talked about random things during Lunch. Anime things, like usual. Oh, and lots of discussion on homosexuality. This isn't unusual for us, either, though. ^^;;
Talked to Makayla and Zoe about anime during 5th. Didn't get anything done, but that's okay. XD; Zoe's still skeptical about Loveless, and I think Makayla and I fangirling over it doesn't help. Some Death Note discussion commenced, among other stuff.
English, we merely discussed Senior Project. You know, I might just want to get started on that, huh?
I...thought about going to Anatomy during seventh period, but... It seemed counterproductive to any emotional progress I'm making. Seeing them together, even just in class, tends to make me bristle a little and feel helpless in general. I feel like I'm distancing myself from them to an extent, and I don't want to do that, but for the moment it seems like I have to. This isn't to say the distancing will be long-lasting or [hopefully] cause any longterm divides between myself and either of them, or even be that noticable or distinct, but... I'm trying to get over it, and while I'm perfectly fine hanging out with either of them separately, I think it's a bit too much at this point to be able to look at them both and not have my mind freak out on me. It's easy enough to fall in love (okay, myself excepted here), but extremely difficult to fall out of it. I don't think I can accomplish that, but I'm hoping to at least desensitize myself to the whole thing. Not sure if I can totally do that, either, but I'm certainly going to try.
Well, the sun was nice today and the clouds were beautiful... I got to spend time with my animals (Winry and Sheska are almost certainly pregnant again... ><) and I spent a little while looking at Death Note cosplayers. That's been my day so far. I think I'll do some homework and catch up on my friends-list for the rest of tonight. Zoe's probably going to spend the night tomorrow night, and we get to ditch with permission until 12:50 on Wednesday. :D
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-04-20 03:23 am (UTC)Aaah, I needed j00 today! My friend called me to discuss Haibane-Renmei (he's been thinking about it a lot and it's been depressing him), and you could've answered his questions a lot better than I did. XD
You can always call or email me if you need anything...I know I can't do much, but I'll be there.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 01:15 am (UTC)Hey, if he ever wants to talk to me about it, tell him he can feel free to e-mail or even call or whatever. ^^ You can always call for stuff like that if you want...I don't mind at all.
Thank you. ^^