School problems.

[pacificpikachu]

I was feeling just a tiny bit sick, so I decided to take a nap yesterday. Slept from about 4 PM to 1 AM, woke up for three hours, and then went back to sleep at 4 AM and slept until 2 PM. I am feeling better now, albeit not very energetic, but now I have to deal with the fact that I have no idea what I'm doing for school this semester. And it starts tomorrow. FAIL, SELF, FAIL. I don't know why I do this every single semester. It's so stupid and irresponsible.

I guess the problem is that I only have six classes left that I can take at Sierra. Only three of those I can actually take now, but every semester it seems like either I don't feel up to taking those classes (Chemistry) or I can't do the classes at the times they're at (ie, extremely early in the morning an hour's drive away). See, I only have one semester of Chemistry, one semester of Calculus, two semesters of O-Chem, and two semester of Physics to do as far as undergrad work goes for my major. The other problem is, to be honest, my self-esteem and confidence in taking these classes is very low after I had a lot of problems with taking Chemistry, mostly thanks to health problems and depression, but also because it's a tough class that's a lot of hard work.

I worry I won't be able to handle these very math-based classes when I honestly think I'm still struggling with the lack of motivation and energy caused by my depression. I have trouble with hard (as in mathematical-based) science to begin with, as I have more of an English/Art/Biology type of brain and learning style, and combined with my kind of "meh" feelings despite my depression being medicated, I just feel like it would be a disaster. I really want to finish these classes and be done with them, but I'm kind of scared to take them. I just don't feel like I have the energy to put into these classes that I find so uninteresting and difficult.

I would be happy to take Calculus--I think I could handle it and finish it pretty easily--but the only time they have the one I need is at 7 AM in Rocklin. That's just not going to happen, I would have to be up at 5 AM to make that work, and I would be likely setting myself up for both failure and potentially car accidents (seeing as I am not even remotely a morning person).

I feel like it's a waste of time to keep taking classes that have nothing to do with my major. But I have to be a full-time student to qualify for my parents' medical insurance, which we can't really afford to pay for otherwise.

I honestly don't know what to do. :( There's no way I'm changing my major or aspirations--I know I can do these classes and succeed in them under the right circumstances, and I don't have much to go anyway. But I just don't feel like I can deal with the classes I need to take right now, and I'm not sure what to do about it. I wish I could just take a break from school and get a job for a while, but jobs are really hard to find right now.

I guess I'll just see if I can talk to a school counselor tomorrow or something... I don't know what to do. I would just sign up for some easy classes right now so I have SOMETHING, but there's currently a hold on my records because I didn't know FAFSA didn't pay for my registration this year (as it did every other year), so I owe the school money for last semester. ;___; Ughhh, I wish I could stop failing so hard.

Anyone have any thoughts or ideas? :(

Comments

[straydogstarbck.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear you're having trouble with things. Chemistry is a bitch, I had to take a year of it in high school and pretty much passed it just because I copied homework and made lucky guesses. I really tried for a while, too, and it is a nasty blow to the self-esteem to stare at something for so long and just never understand it. So I get where you're coming from with that. I can't imagine how difficult it must be at the college level.

Seems like it's just a thing where you need to decide "yes, I'm tackling this, I'm getting it over with!" and just get through it. Take it one class at a time so you don't get overwhelmed, and sign up for some art or other blow-off classes that are easy or enjoyable, so you can fulfill your full-time requirement and focus your academic energy on what you're having trouble with. Does your school have a tutoring lab or anything? Spend some time in there, or see if there's another person who's more advanced in your major who'd be willing to help you out. Talk to your teachers if you can, and just be prepared to do whatever you might need to to make yourself understand.

I don't know how long you've been depressed or medicated for it, but maybe you could see about switching medications or doing something different so you could actually feel better about things. I know it's difficult with psych meds to actually get something that works as intended for its subject, and often requires a lot of experimenting with different meds and doses.

Just concentrate on how much you'd like to finish those classes, and how good it will be to move on to better and more enjoyable things once they're over. Sometimes it helps just to focus on the fact that you're working to get something out of the way, and I bet once you finally give it a go and start working on them, you'll feel a lot better about it.

What is your major, anyway? I'm just curious.

[mei-san.livejournal.com]

I don't know, but either tackle these classes one by one as you know they'd be hard for you, or delay taking them all together. Maybe you'll feel better about them once you start taking them? I don't know.

Actually I face a similar problem...I don't feel ready to face the real world, but stuck inaction/procrastination while worrying about it...so while I am here doing nothing, I'm anxious about it that I should be doing something...

so my advice? Do it!

[archaneah.livejournal.com]

I think, honestly, that you've built a lot of this up in your brain. You've made these classes a lot scarier by not taking them then they actually will be when you DO take them. I know because I do the exact same thing.

I'm going into second semester ochem now, and I can attest that it's a tough fucking class, but it is genuinely fun and enjoyable. It's way way better than genchem. And the teacher is amazing. I tell you this because I know that we have similar brains. Ochem is very NOT math based. Like... AT ALL. We have done almost ZERO math for the class. It's hard, but it's also fun. My suggestion to you would be to try to add chem 1B and get that out of the way. After that, Ochem will be better.

I honestly think that once you actually get into these classes and start working on them your confidence will improve. Yeah they're hard, but you are perfectly capable. I've seen some suggestions to work on them one at a time and I would say that's pretty sound advice. Maybe you could get genchem done this semester, get calc done over the summer if it's offered and then next year you can focus on physics and ochem exclusively (which I think you could probably handle).

Anyway. Good luck lady. You'll do just fine. :)

[astralvulpes.livejournal.com]

I totally understand your feelings about chemistry and the other math-related sciences (physics, ugh.) I've got my own anxieties about them as well, but I know I will have to face them in order to accomplish my dreams - perhaps we're psyching ourselves out about them a bit, but seeing as how we've both withdrawn from chemistry before... =/ I suppose that makes for the feelings.

Sometimes I don't know how I will accomplish things. I get discouraged, depressed, and anxious over them, but I force myself to keep going through blood, sweat, and tears.

I know we'll make it, someday, even through all of the trials and tribulations. I know we don't talk a lot on AIM, but know that if you ever need to talk about this kind of stuff, you can poke me - I know we can definitely relate.


Also, I'm going to mail Gizamimi again this week! I'm so sorry it took so long. I've been on vacation, been sick, and had Katsu over. ;_; I'll throw in some extras for you. <3